We had a huge showdown on the phone last night.

For hours, we screamed and shout and endless vulgarities of sorts came flying out of our throats. I do not know who were speaking in me or him.

It just gets tiring sometimes to understand. I rather shake the house down and thrash it all out, than stay silent and demure and smile about the murkiness beneath.I rather be obvious and nasty about things upfront, than pretend of the nothingness and blissfulness that people might perceive.

I admit, - I can be difficult, profane, and sharp-tongued. But I do not do it out of unreserved lack of common sense. I have reasons, my reasons which mostly do not go well with your expectations, with what you would like to hear and condemn. I just happen to like addressing problems. I just happen to think that talking about them might help open doors to possible soultions, if not, at least, mere explanations.

I am so emotionally battered right now. It hurts the most where it really shouldn't.